You might not want to return to a 9a-5p type career. Before having my daughter I seriously underestimated how important flexibility at work is for a parent. In my past career, I worked as an airline manager and experienced a lot of people I worked with not returning to work after they had children. I would often be confused about why they would leave a position that allowed them travel benefits and shift trading. Once I had my daughter I had so much anxiety about returning to work because days were so unpredictable turning my 10 hour shift potentially turn into 16, due to some unforeseen cancellation or other problems.
If you are planning to start a family, it’s a good time to also consider if you would want to return to the career you have. I suggest getting a role that will give you as much flexibility as possible. Consider roles that can be hybrid or remote? Is the company you work for family friendly? I left a 10 year career and started a bootcamp and my daughter was 4 months old, because I knew that career would not allow me to be the type of mother I wanted to be. Shortly after she turn 1 I started a remote role that gave me unlimited flexible time off. It has truly been a blessing. Now as a mother of two I will continue to pursue flexibility that allows me to prioritize my family above anything else.
Postpartum Depression and Anxiety are real Real. I never doubted that postpartum depression and anxiety existed. I should say I totally underestimate how hard they can hit and how deep an impact they can have on a new mother. After having my daughter I was worried about so many things, placing blame on myself and full of anger for the simplest things. After having a pretty high score on the questions asked at my daughter’s pediatrician office, I started talking to a therapist to work through what was happening with me. I would tell pre-motherhood me to build your support system as much at you can. If you haven’t started therapy, do it now. Keep those friend who check on you close. Have conversations with your partner about how they can support you before having a baby.
A positive attitude can make a world of difference. Your mindset has so much impact on have your day goes. As a mother this is critical. Being a mom will probably be the hardest thing I will ever do. I have to show up everyday and give it my best regardless of how I feel. I’m sure if your considering becoming a mom you know it won’t be all cuddles, smiles and giggles. Some of the enjoyable things you did before parenthood might not be as practical or done as often anymore. Philippians 4:8 says, “Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things“. Focus and the good. Think about the amazing blessing God has entrusted you with. You are now the entire world to a little human. I often think about how I will feel once my children are all grown up and living on there own. I know I will miss the chaos. Just know it won’t be easy, but as I always tell my daughter, “You can do hard things.”
No one know what they are doing when it comes to parenthood. You’ll figure it out. Don’t let the unsolicited advice make you question yourself. Do what works best for your family. Social media is a highlight reel DO NOT compare. “Comparison is the thief of joy!” You will see many things you will want to do on social media but just know everything isn’t for everyone. Don’t over complicate you’re parenthood journey trying do all the things.
Your marriage or partnership won’t ever be the same. Things in your marriage will change. You will be different your partner will be different. You both will have new responsibilities and expectations. Communication more important than ever. If you’re not communicating the roommate stage will happen and may happen for a long time. Spend time with each other, even if it’s just in the living room after baby’s in bed. Be intentional. I’m no expert and still working through this in my own marriage, but my husband and I are committed to being on this journey together.
